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Fluff talk
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Fluff talk is an important part of approaching a girl, especially if you plan to
lauch into patterns, which you can't begin the conversation with on their own.
Fluff talk is also needed, if you plan to continue with eliciting values - you
must have had at least some sort of a casual conversation with the girl, for
then it would sound only natural for you to have become a little more interested
in her, to the point of asking all sorts of questions:)
The number one rule of fluff talk is - direct the conversation towards and talk
about FEELINGS. What fluff talk usually ends up being is an exchange of facts -
"where ya goin?", "whatcha doin?", "what did you do today/yesterday?", "oh
that's interesting". Facts are a BORE! Giving you her facts makes her feel
NOTHING. Neither has she any use for the facts you are giving her. So grab any
opportunity you have to get to feelings!
"So what did you do yesterday?"
"Oh I went skating"
"You like skating?"
"Yes:)"
"Makes you feel good?:)"
"Yeah:)"
"I know what you mean..."
And you go on to describe skating as the most liberating, beautiful,
earth-shattering experience (that's what making up patterns on the fly is all
about:). Or have her describe you her feelings herself, if she is a talker.
Voila - you've switched from fluff talk to patterning in a blink of an eye:)
She feels enthralled. But you don't know how to follow up on that. So let the
the fluff talk continue.
"So... em... have you eaten anything today?"
"Yea, some sandwitches in the morning. Why?"
"Well I was just hoping to pick up on some tips on how to have a delicious
breakfast without having to spend too much time making it:) So you like
sandwitches?"
"Um... not really:) I just don't have time for much anything else:)"
"But if you did, let's say you had your own personal cook, what would you like
to start your morning with?"
"Oh, well (salivating:), fried eggs and bacon, and a large cup of hot chocolate,
and some marmalade (etc, let her describe it to her heart's content:)"
"Ah, that would really feel good wouldn´t it? Still lazily laying in your bed,
to have all that delicious food brought to you on a silver tray - you take a sip
of cocoa and can feel the pleasant warmth of it spreading thorughout your body,
which after a good-night's sleep is more fresh and receptive to the pleasentness
of that feeling than usual, and you take a taste of marmalade and can feel it
melting in your mouth and the sweetness of it waking you up for yet another
wondeful day (etc, now make good use of all the food she HERSELF told you she
likes:)"
Once again - fluff talk to pattern talk in no time:)
So the ability to fluff talk is essential, but not any kind of fluff talk will
do. She can exchange facts with a million guys and not feel a thing. Or, she can
give her facts to you and get a wonderful return on it:) But remember -
FEELINGS:)
Update. "So, what's *your* story?"
A less feelings oriented and a more free-flowing approach to fluff-talk. By
James L. King III, ASF:
""So, what's *your* story?" - this is wonderful question that will get the other
party talking. It's a good intro, or it can be used right after an opening line.
I've used it several times to great effect, as the line usually gets women
talking about how they got to the party, or what they do for a living, or about
how they know the host, or why they chose to strip for a living. I learn a lot
by paying attention to the subject matter of their answer. If it's about what
they do for a living, then you know that's something important to them ...
rapport material handed on a platter. If the woman doesn't mind sharing personal
things about herself with you, this opening gives her the perfect opportunity,
while at the same time allowing those women who are more reserved a chance to
come up with something more benign, like "I'm a friend of the host."
If they respond by not answering or looking dazed and confused or by saying that
question makes them uncomfortable, I move on to someone else. People like that
are no fun anyway, no matter how beautiful they may appear.
Always be prepared to mirror the statements they give you ... if they reveal
something personal about themselves, you can reveal something that's personal to
you .. perhaps not the same thing, but something similar. This will feed the
rapport between you as a relationship begins to develop. (This is also a good
time to start your patterning language, if you don't do it naturally and turn it
on or off as needed.)
Also, if things aren't progressing so well with one person, remember that
mingling means moving around ... don't stay with one person so long, otherwise
you're not mingling. You can always return later.
You can use the "story" approach not only with the person, but with accessories
or special clothing the woman is wearing: examining a beautiful necklace, you
can ask "so, what's the story behind the necklace?"
The story approach doesn't work with un-special clothing: "So, what's the story
behind those Levi's?" doesn't work as well as "So, what's the story behind that
gorgeous hand-knit scarf?""
See also:
How to introduce patterns into a discussion
At a party
The "don't"s of fluff talk
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