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Eliciting values explained
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Introduction. The point of eliciting values is to find out what she wants
in and from a man and then turn into that man of her dreams by providing her
with it. But don't be fooled, if she says she wants her man to be tall and
financially secure, you're not going to the doctor to get implants for your legs
or rob a bank. What she gave you were means values, which means that tall in
itself does nothing for her - what matters to her is how a tall man by her side
makes her feel. And this is the key - for each means value you need to find out
the ends value, which is what she really wants. Let's take the example of a tall
man. Asking her "and how does a tall man make you feel?" might reveal that it
makes her feel secure and protected! Aha! That's what she really wants! She
wants to feel protected and secure, not a "tall man" per se. In practice, she'll
reject a tall man that doesn't make her feel protected and secure right away,
whereas you, who you might not be tall at all but can make her feel secure and
protected, have just elicited your way to her pants:)
Means Values vs Ends Values. Know how she recognises means values and
what they mean to her (honest, kind and respectful in this example). Jake
Thomson, ASF: "You learned what qualities she likes in a man - means values. Go
for the ends values. Means values aren't worth as much as you think. Find out
what emotions she experiences by being with someone who is honest. Repeat for
kind, repeat for respectful. Secondly, find out how she knows someone is honest,
kind, & respectful. She gave you 3 nominalizations that have a specific meaning
to her, but NOBODY else. On the face of it, you've got no fucking clue what the
hell she's talking about. If you hallucinate that you understand what honest,
kind & respectful means to her, you've got a better chance of eating a can of
beans and farting your way to the moon."
Ends Values = Desired State. A post by Mr Happy, ASF: "For the benefit of
those who are confused about eliciting values, here is better terminology: You
want to find out a chick's DESIRED STATES and TRANCE WORDS.
M: So, what is important to you in a relationship?
H: Well I like tall guys. (Means Value)
M: *nod* And what feeling does that allow you to experience when you are
with a tall guy?
H: Well it makes me feel safe and protected (Ends Value aka Desired
State)
I think that the term DESIRED STATE is more clear and accurate than Ends Value.
You want to discover which states that she likes to feel, so that you can create
those states in her. In the above example, it doesn't really matter at all if
you are tall, as long as you can make her feel safe and protected. So run a
pattern that creates those feelings in her mind. (Of course this is done by
naming the state and then describing its process...you guys know that already,
right?). Note...a few common states that normally are important for every woman
are comfort and safety, emotional connection, then horniness. If you only get
the first part, you are a friend. If you get the second part (connection) then
she will probably do the third part herself.
The important part is NOT what she says she wants (tall men, rich men, etc.).
The important part is the FEELING that she experiences when she is around (tall
men, rich men, etc). As long as you can discover the feelings that are important
to her, and create them in her mind, she will associate those feelings with
YOU."
An excerpt of Don Diebel's advice on not to talk about yourself but her: "By
talking about her, you learn more about her which will be valuable to you in
planning a strategy. Also, it is a subject she will be comfortable with. By not
talking about yourself, you let your image speak for itself. And don't forget,
the less women know about you, the more women want to know about you. Be a man
of mystery."
But only as long as you don't know, what she wants in a man. As soon as you have
that (you just didn't let her speak about herself while letting your thoughts
wander, you also listened intently, right?:), become that man.
Update. (Taken from "Sweep women off their
feet...":) "Do not try to create a market for your product just because you
think it's a great product. Find a product that the market demands and you will
be successful. Fill a need and you can't go wrong."
Update. NYC, ASF: "[Eliciting values so as to
really make her think and fetch those answers from deep within her] is one of
the major differences that will get you noticed. MOST guys go "so did you have
both of your parents" and she says "no" and they say "look... there's a movie
playing... wanna go?". They ask questions that don't tell them ANYTHING about
the chick and then ask them out... in effect, they are fucking up their FLUFFING
because they are NOT distinguishing her from any other chick, although they
THINK they are.
Learning about her as a person is much deeper than light questioning, and the
thing that turns chicks on the most is when they BELIEVE that you are into them
because of some UNIQUENESS that they have. Something you see in them ONLY that
you don't see in other women and which makes them extremely attractive to you.
They think that men that are attracted ONLY to bodies are dogs, etc. By your
deeper questioning, you seperate yourself from the other suitors because you
make them THINK. You make them DIG for answers. They FEEL differently after
baring their soul to you than after telling you where they got their hair done
and how much it cost".
Update. NYC, ASF: "I go back to childhood and find
out what they missed out on or wanted. I find out what they want now and what
they desire for their futures. I cover EVERYTHING then I CRAFT the VESSEL I need
to get into her. I make MYSELF a COMBINATION of all the things that she doesn't
know she craves. There is NO RESISTANCE to this. NONE! She can't resist because
all she knows is that I am talking about some abstract ideas or another woman
and it strikes a chord within her... "that's exactly how I want to be treated by
a man" "that's exactly what I want in a man" "Is this guy for real?" what she
doesn't know is that she TOLD ME HOW TO SEDUCE HER and I have embedded this
knowledge inside my language and STAY ON COURSE. I bombard her with good
feelings and ALWAYS avoid bad feelings. When I do my work, I may not get laid,
but I am NEVER FORGOTTEN!"
Update. Everyone has a need. Find and fill
that need, an explanation by Jobet Claudio, Mindlist:
"In my observation, the mere adoption of the following rules can supercharge
your own attitude towards being a great seducer.
Rule 1. People, all people, to include supercelebrities and
ultra-gorgeous women, have desires. That seems like stating the obvious, but
think about it. Even Bill Gates I bet, wishes he could do something different,
that would fulfill him and he's not getting it now. He aches for something...
craves for something... That's the same with ultra-gorgeous women, or women in
general. They may have an army of suitors, they may be sleeping on the finest
velvet sheets, etc etc. But believe me, all people, gorgeous women included,
ache for something. They have a heartfelt desire for something. That "something"
may vary from adventure to feeling freedomm, to feeling respected (for the less
secure ones), to feeling pampered, to feeling like a little girl again. It can
be a large variety of things. But make no mistake about it. Everyone "aches" for
something.
Rule 2. And this is cliche'. Find out what it is. Be sensitive. You can
pick this up in the small cues that she leaks out. Be intelligent in structuring
your questions to be such that you can uncover nice pieces of data. What you're
looking for is "something" that she always wanted that she's not getting right
now, something she "aches" for, but can't have due to some life circumstance or
something like that. It can be anything. Once you know what it is, you can
either you "fill" the void by using language patterns or "transform" yourself
into the person that fits that criteria/desire/longing.
Rule 3. Fill that "void" that you've found. Use linguistic patterns to
achieve this. If she talks about the need for respect, say something like "what
if... we were living in a different dimension... or a different planet... and in
that planet... everything you see, is everything you want to see... and in that
place... you see all the people, giving you all the respect you ever wanted...
now doesn't that feel nice?"
Rule 4. This is cliche as well, but anchor the fulfillment of the need to
(guess who?)... to you! For example "Isn't it nice if you could experience all
of that... with me, now I think it would be real grand if you could!"
Keep doing that a couple of times and soon enough you'll be her perfect man.
Example: One woman I was *not* really seducing leaked out that she misses
her father (who died long ago). I then took that tack and talked about how good
it feels to be a little girl sitting on daddy's lap and embracing him, and
asking for the small "gifts" like a pony or things like that. Gosh...it worked.
But it would have even been better to ask her what her father was like, to ask
for small cues, like how her father talked, what he used to say to her, what did
he make her feel and etc etc. Then, using that information and your power of
acting, subtly "transform" yourself into her daddy. It might seem sneaky and
underhanded to use her own desires to dangle the carrot she's always wanted but
lets frame it this way - we're just finding out what can make a person happy and
giving it to them."
Seducer... Romancer... these guys are the guys who know how to please, aim to
please and live to please (though this does not imply supplication- no woman
ever wanted a man she could easily control). These guys are the guys who know
how to fill a need. Everyone, and I mean everyone, has a hole. Fill it. [Now did
I detect some double meaning in that last statement... or am I just completely
corrupt?]"
See also:
Eliciting values - introducing the questions
Eliciting values - the questions
Eliciting values - the answers
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